The Danish Bubble Society has recently published a new translation of the Bible, which eliminates all names and words that may be misunderstood by general Bible readers.

“We discovered that Bible readers frequently misunderstand certain names and words, so we’ve elected to enhance the Danish Bible by removing all names and words that may be misunderstood,” a spokesperson for the society said.

Among those names removed from the Bible are Egypt, Ephesus, and Rome. “In biblical times, Ephesus was a vibrant Greek city. But the modern Ephesus is just a bunch of ruins in quasi-dictorial Turkey. We don’t want the Bible readers to mix the two,” the spokesperson explained.

“Likewise with Egypt and Rome. Modern Egypt is an Arab state, quite unlike the antique Egypt. Ancient Rome used to be the capital city of an empire that stretched across large parts of the Mediterranean Sea and Europe, while modern Rome is just the seat of an Italian government that has gone bankrupt through the introduction of the euro,” he lamented.

The name Paul has also been removed, since most modern people may confuse that name with Paul McCartney of Beatles. The word “epistle” or “letter” may also be confusing to modern people who only know about emails and WhatsApp. The word “apostle” may be misunderstood to refer to self-appointed preachers in various denominations.

In the new Danish version, “Paul’s letter to the Ephesians” is thus simply called “to the,” and the first verse of the book reads: “An of by the of to the which are at and to the in,” after all confusing names and words have been removed.

“The good news is that, with our recent revisions, anybody can read through the entire New Testament in an hour. We believe that this will actually encourage our readers to read through the Bible several times per year,” the spokesperson said.

“It’s really fortunate that the Bubble Society’s translators have an IQ far above that of the average, deplorable Bible reader. We have employed that high IQ in preparing this translation that even the simplest of minds cannot misunderstand,” the spokesperson added enthusiastically.